I LOVE ...

I love brutal honesty, especially when it comes with such force that it takes my breath away. (hurricane-force truth is shockingly fun to both present to others and to watch being delivered)


I love when a look is all that’s required to pass a thought in its entirety to someone else. (especially when the look says words which would be rude for me to say out loud)


I love all the times when I wake up in the middle of the day/night and realize that it’s not time to get out of bed yet, and I can just bury myself back into bed.


I love drinking with intelligent people. (dumb people tend to get inexplicably more dumb while drinking 


I love reading deeply philosophical books. (even though they just tend to remind me that I’m not capable of writing one)


I love writing things down. (and then forgetting what I was talking about, so the idea is lost forever in oblivion. 


I love YouTube. (I just wish I could watch some  movies! I get online and look for an hour, then I get tired, then I fall asleep. Shit!)


I love dictionaries. (People should know … words. Lots of them.)


I love that I tried to make a list of things I love, but....


...wait... , why am I doing this ?  Maybe this says something about me. Maybe it’s SYMBOLIC of my inability to embrace change, not fight it, but sometimes that can be difficult. We get entrenched in old ways, old lines of thinking, old roles. We become a costume of a person long ago, and despite the fact that we have evolved, changed and transformed, we still wear these costumes of the old persona until we realize they only do us more harm than good.

One Last Time

I'm not sure how the human condition is supposed to take this. I'm well aware that my life isn't a failure, but it isn't exactly what I'd call a success either. 


It's not that I want the fame. While the fame would be nice, I must confess, I wish that I had left a mark on the world, an impact that wouldn't be forgotten. 


As it stands, I feel very much as though I haven't achieved much. Sometimes It feels like a very small noose is closing around my neck, like every direction I look, there is only a closed doorway, barred and locked from the other side, another option stripped away from me before its time should have passed.


Life is a series of choices. But what do you do when you don't have choices? What do you do when all that lays before you is a single path? 


I know, this is very unlike me. Or maybe it's very much like me. I do have options, I am aware of that. I simply don't like any of them, because all of them... they hold a great deal of unhappiness. Still, I have a great deal of unhappiness now, so I suppose, in the end, what's the difference ?


I hate the idea of my life being nothing more than a footnote. I just hope that's not what I'm relegated to. People keep telling me to chase happiness. I tried that, and for now, I'm too tired to keep chasing. People keep telling me to let go, but my hands are empty these days, and there's little left to grab on to. 


The road is long.


The journey is challenging.


The obstacles are many.


The shelters are few.


And every traveller makes a few missteps along the way.




I hope I can get back onto my feet one last time.