I'm not sure how the human condition is supposed to take this. I'm well aware that my life isn't a failure, but it isn't exactly what I'd call a success either.
It's not that I want the fame. While the fame would be nice, I must confess, I wish that I had left a mark on the world, an impact that wouldn't be forgotten.
As it stands, I feel very much as though I haven't achieved much. Sometimes It feels like a very small noose is closing around my neck, like every direction I look, there is only a closed doorway, barred and locked from the other side, another option stripped away from me before its time should have passed.
Life is a series of choices. But what do you do when you don't have choices? What do you do when all that lays before you is a single path?
I know, this is very unlike me. Or maybe it's very much like me. I do have options, I am aware of that. I simply don't like any of them, because all of them... they hold a great deal of unhappiness. Still, I have a great deal of unhappiness now, so I suppose, in the end, what's the difference ?
I hate the idea of my life being nothing more than a footnote. I just hope that's not what I'm relegated to. People keep telling me to chase happiness. I tried that, and for now, I'm too tired to keep chasing. People keep telling me to let go, but my hands are empty these days, and there's little left to grab on to.
The road is long.
The journey is challenging.
The obstacles are many.
The shelters are few.
And every traveller makes a few missteps along the way.
I hope I can get back onto my feet one last time.
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