until again

you knew

what it would and wouldn’t
be, let alone become,
long before i ever had the opportunity
to confuse it all. you knew
what would fail to move
before you set about to redefine
the benefit in attempting
to change what you knew would be
unmoved.

you knew
the realities surrounding
me, and chose to color them
in forgettable hues. you knew
where i stood, and transported
me, redefined me, and who i became
through your eyes was unrecognizable,
so i stepped away, thus becoming
........unmoved.

Darkness Falls

Lost in a realm of chaos and confusion,
Searching for lost love and hope,
Only to find demons of my past,
Fighting for my soul,


I continue on, Not giving up,
I will find the will to go on,
Fear blinds me to the truth,
Trying to see past the hate,
Only seeing anger and pain,


The thunder crashes behind me,
As I look ahead to see a small shred of light,
And laugh like a child as I stand in the light,
So different from the darkness,
Yet so much the same,
I smile as I realize that my past don’t matter,
Bad things can be forgiven,
But the future can be destroyed if you live in the past,
And the light scares away the void,
I walk from the light into the darkness,
To destroy the shadows of my past,
And to walk to my future,
My hope, I’ll go on with my life,
As I leave the darkness for the last time,
I hear a scream of agony and defeat,
I smile once again,
Knowing that if I can defeat this darkness,
That there is hope in the future…

I LOVE ...

I love brutal honesty, especially when it comes with such force that it takes my breath away. (hurricane-force truth is shockingly fun to both present to others and to watch being delivered)


I love when a look is all that’s required to pass a thought in its entirety to someone else. (especially when the look says words which would be rude for me to say out loud)


I love all the times when I wake up in the middle of the day/night and realize that it’s not time to get out of bed yet, and I can just bury myself back into bed.


I love drinking with intelligent people. (dumb people tend to get inexplicably more dumb while drinking 


I love reading deeply philosophical books. (even though they just tend to remind me that I’m not capable of writing one)


I love writing things down. (and then forgetting what I was talking about, so the idea is lost forever in oblivion. 


I love YouTube. (I just wish I could watch some  movies! I get online and look for an hour, then I get tired, then I fall asleep. Shit!)


I love dictionaries. (People should know … words. Lots of them.)


I love that I tried to make a list of things I love, but....


...wait... , why am I doing this ?  Maybe this says something about me. Maybe it’s SYMBOLIC of my inability to embrace change, not fight it, but sometimes that can be difficult. We get entrenched in old ways, old lines of thinking, old roles. We become a costume of a person long ago, and despite the fact that we have evolved, changed and transformed, we still wear these costumes of the old persona until we realize they only do us more harm than good.

One Last Time

I'm not sure how the human condition is supposed to take this. I'm well aware that my life isn't a failure, but it isn't exactly what I'd call a success either. 


It's not that I want the fame. While the fame would be nice, I must confess, I wish that I had left a mark on the world, an impact that wouldn't be forgotten. 


As it stands, I feel very much as though I haven't achieved much. Sometimes It feels like a very small noose is closing around my neck, like every direction I look, there is only a closed doorway, barred and locked from the other side, another option stripped away from me before its time should have passed.


Life is a series of choices. But what do you do when you don't have choices? What do you do when all that lays before you is a single path? 


I know, this is very unlike me. Or maybe it's very much like me. I do have options, I am aware of that. I simply don't like any of them, because all of them... they hold a great deal of unhappiness. Still, I have a great deal of unhappiness now, so I suppose, in the end, what's the difference ?


I hate the idea of my life being nothing more than a footnote. I just hope that's not what I'm relegated to. People keep telling me to chase happiness. I tried that, and for now, I'm too tired to keep chasing. People keep telling me to let go, but my hands are empty these days, and there's little left to grab on to. 


The road is long.


The journey is challenging.


The obstacles are many.


The shelters are few.


And every traveller makes a few missteps along the way.




I hope I can get back onto my feet one last time.

Look What He Did After Her Ex Girlfriend Posted on His Wall....Clickjack

    Is it just me or facebook scams are becoming more sexually graphic. This time the Facebook scam offers a video of a boy’s reaction when his ex-girlfriend posted on his Facebook Wall. The scam, which appears in your News Feed as a post by a friend, says “Boy reaction after his Ex girlfriend posted on his wall” and features a thumbnail of a girl who’s completely naked. If you click the video it will automatically make you like the scam page spreading further into the social network since it would be posted on your wall. It would then present you with a survey which really is the object of the scam. 


    If you've been hit by a scam like this remove the messages and the likes from your facebook profile page--and please warn your friends about the offending link. In the future, if you don't know the source of the video and looks a little bit off you would be better off not clicking.

A devout Catholic—albeit one who believes that Vatican II, which formally absolved the Jews of responsibility for the death of Jesus, is illegitimate—Gibson has said that what moves him most about the Christ story is that Jesus was whipped, scourged, mocked, spat on, had spikes driven through his hands and feet, and was left to die on the cross—and that he didn't think of payback; he thought of forgiveness. But by wallowing in his torture and death for two hours, the director of The Passion of the Christ (Newmarket) suggests that he's thinking of anything but...i don't know.....you be the judge........

Digital Piracy

Why piracy is good ?
 

Piracy is the new consumer speak and do, and its here to stay. Like it or not, piracy or not, 
music and all forms of entertainment is going to be zapped all over the world without any 
restrictions.  Its the job of the industry to capitalize on it rather than squander it away.
This is what is good about Piracy and the Pirates behind it and where value possibly lies:

 

   * Piracy creates economies of scale-
Distribution by agencies and companies is history. Consumers distribute content amongst 
themselves  leading to almost tsunami like waves of consumption and distribution. So, 
in effect, the cost of digital entertainment is actually reduced, thanks to the non-hired help.
Creators can price their wares very aggressively given this new economic dynamic.

  
    * Piracy creates democracy-
Its no longer a chance meeting with a music czar  or a gaze by a producer at a bar that creates 
stars today. Digital distribution is the lowest common denominator that anyone with creativity 
gets noticed and famous. Pirates are the best advertising agents out there. And they come for 
free.
The stars in the making need to partner with this global tide rather than fight it.

    * Piracy creates innovation-
The big gaming-console companies did not succeed in markets like China due to rampant  
piracy. Their game CDs were copied and sold in the black market. They felt cheated and held 
back. That created a massive vacuum in the market that was filled by the online game 
companies that created games that were meant only for the browser that required subscriptions 
and virtual goods purchases. This was the stepping-stone to games like Farmville and Mafia 
Wars.

Its painful to be robbed of whats yours. Yet if one thinks beyond the hurt, there may be a bigger 
opportunity out there.

Random Thoughts

Disillusionment.  Some of us never quite recover from our discovery that the world is cruel. We don’t become cruel ourselves; we become cynics.

Bacteria and Office People.  Just as some mutant strains of bacteria thrive on the antibiotics we’ve developed to eradicate them, some people flourish in settings that would be lethal to the rest of us. They can work 14-hour days and actually stride out of the office with more energy than when they checked in. They don’t require vacations or hobbies or quality time with their pets. We call these mutants "winners."

Original Thoughts.  I suppose it is possible to live one’s entire life without entertaining an original thought. I used to dismiss the nonthinkers of the world as second-rate creatures, but now I almost envy them. How many of our proud ideas are truly original? And why strain our brains with pointless abstractions when there’s music and ice cream to be had? You can’t hear a hypothesis; you can’t taste an aphorism.

Life Decisions.  We humans are the only animals that require coaching on how to live. And despite all the coaching, most of us make a sorry mess of our time on this planet. A mouse simply follows the ancient dictates of his tribe; he is genetically incapable of ruining his life. But the human animal is free to shun the customs of the herd, to light out for some enticing unexplored land on the far horizon, to thrive or come to grief through a bewildering array of choices. We ponder; we stall; we lamely hope for the best; we make the wrong decision anyway. The problem with most decisions is that all the available choices tend to be intolerable.

IQ.  The world belongs to people with IQs of 120. Anything much greater or less amounts to a liability.

Getting a Life.  Too many of us waste our lives waiting for our lives to begin. At some point we just have to leap off the diving board in the dark — and trust that the pool is filled with water.

Fashion.  It seems to me that the whole point of fashion, whether in clothes or ideas, is to proclaim loudly that we like the unlikable because the right people like it.

My Dark Quotes II

….Lord, grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to hide the bodies of those I had to kill because they pissed me off.

…"it requires wisdom to understand wisdom: the music is nothing if the audience is deaf."

…"we strive to destroy the evil around us. Yet, we often forget that there is no light without darkness, nor darkness without light. Perhaps a plant it the best comparison. A plant realizes that too little light is deadly, but it also knows that too much light is equally deadly. It is the balance of the two that makes the world."

…"the day we lose our need for dreams is the day the human race forfeits its soul."

…the ultimate evil is to leave the company of the living before you die.

…"cats are known to see within the dark. Yet, if you had sight like a cat, even for one day, would you really want to see what’s in the dark?"

…think you’re confused? Wait until I explain it.

My Dark Quotes

…blood is thicker than water, and much tastier.

…"the greatest harm can result from the best intentions."

…too often, we lose sight of life’s simple pleasures. Remember, when someone annoys you it takes 42 muscles in your face to frown but, it only takes 4 muscles to extend your arm and bitch-slap the motherfXXXXr upside the head…

…nothing makes us so lonely as our secrets.

…"sometimes I think I understand everything. Then I regain consciousness"

…"the darkness that surrounds us cannot hurt us. It is the darkness in your own heart you should fear."

…"never hit a man with glasses; hit him with your fist."

…he who fights with monsters should look to it that he himself does not become a monster…when you gaze too long into the abyss, the abyss also gazes back.

…don’t let anyone push you around, for every bruise they give, give them five broken bones

….I have a firm grip on reality. Now I can strangle it.

…red meat is NOT bad for you. Now, blue-green meat, that’s REALLY BAD for you.

…My only friend is a CRAB!